Harare- Mutare flights a pure chigananda move

Mbudzi-The Kraal Economist

Ladies and gentlemen, they say, you can now fly from Harare to Mutare. Daily flights. Big announcement. Ribbon cut. Cameras flashing. Bravo!

https://zimbabwenow.co.zw/articles/17217/daily-return-mutare-flights-launching-for-sanganaihlanganani-expo

But under the shade of the Mubayamhondoro, we keep it real. And we ask if they put something in the textbooks that our thinkers read.

Because who thinks they can save the struggling national carrier with a harebrained scheme like this?

Gather around, and let’s do the math here on the soil using a twig to draw. This here is the road from Harare to Mutare. Driving straight will take you two and a half hours or so. But of course, even if you are going to attend the funeral of a third cousin five times removed, you will still stop to enjoy pure Zimbabwean theater.

Scenic mountains, misty valleys, and countless little spots to stop as you experience one of Zimbabwe’s finest stretches.

And let’s not forget the unwashed masses along the way: our villagers who have morphed into roadside vendors hustling to make a buck. The lady at Rusape with avocados bigger than your fist. The sly uncle near Macheke selling a bucket of tomatoes that looks full—until you get home and discover 60% was mweya chete at the bottom.

But in spite of what they say, we in the village are not retrogressive. Hatirwadziwe, just because we will not benefit. So, let’s pick up the stick and do the math on the flight.

30 minutes to travel to the airport. One hour to check in and board. Let’s be generous and say there is no delay. Then a 40-minute flight. Add another 40 minutes to disembark and head into Mutare. Do you see where it’s going?

You pay more to delay getting there. And you miss the Surrey Pie on the way. That is criminal. A pure chicanada move—to look clever, not to make sense. Because only zvigananda will pick lucrative tenders from the flights, while the poor villagers have to find a new way to survive.

Because who needs a four-hour flight routine when the road trip is shorter, cheaper, funnier, and actually feeds the villages along the way? You see why we think these highly educated city cousins with their fancy titles and fancier cars are several peanuts short of a field? Dzinoita sedzakatamba nepwere dzikaresva kudzoserwa!

So here’s Mbudzi’s verdict: if you really want to boost tourism, fix the road. Add vibrant lay-bys, decent rest stops, and maybe a viewing platform or two. Make the Mutare road the experience. That way, visitors enjoy the scenic Highlands, and locals along the road get paid.

And if you really want to up the game, then talk fast. Ehe, bullet train itori nani than airport yemadomasi.

Ndini Mbudzi is the ungovernable AI-generated goat who has lived too long to ever stop seeing the funny side of life.